A Sassy Sort of Rogue

Writer's Block: What was your first word?

This is one of those odd situations where I remember my mother telling me this story, I remember it vividly, yet the next time I spoke to her about it, she acted like it was a new story to her. Well, obviously I don't remember it, so if I think this is the truth, then she must have told me at some point. I would swear up and down that it is the truth that my first word was my brother's name. It makes some sense, his name is relatively easy syllables, OOO-EEEEE, and I did adore him as a child, and he was an attentive brother. Supposedly his favorite pastime when I was an infant was jumping back and forth over my cradle (much to my mothers dismay), and one of my most hated memories is when we came home from a car dealership and I was very happy with a balloon until I got too close to our garden roses, and it popped. I began wailing, which got him started and I stopped crying because I didn't want him to be upset. I still can't think of that without getting all mumblybottomed inside and I want to give little us a hug.

I also know that I had my own intricate language long before I could speak (well I guess Timber would argue that I still do). I played with my fingers like dolls, I would bob one little finger up and down at the other and make conversation sounds, using a different voice for each one. But when I chose to use some English, I swear I began with Louie.

I wrote something and then changed my mind and deleted!  Have fun with that!

My allergies for the spring are starting. I have eye strain at work. Waah.

SERIOUSLY, PITTSBURGH. WHY DO I LIVE IN YOU.

also, on a lesser note: VEST, WHY CANT I FINISH KNITTING YOU BY FRIDAY PLZ?

But in "the best thing ever" news: DINOSAUR THEMED WEDDING SHOWER FTW

Casein knitting needles are made from milk proteins. This somehow makes them taste disgusting in your mouth. Like, really really nasty.

BLLLGGGRRHHHHFF

knitting constantly
at the gym all the time
hardcore craziness
wedding planning?
soul sucking job that maybe I guiltily like
eight pound weights
wool cotton blends
double pointed needles
slip on chucks
british television
facebook status updates
freeform poetry

I may not get a chance later... so here are the awesome things about my year.

I have a graduate degree!
That got me a job!
Where I am paid the highest I can be in the salary window because of said degree!
With good insurance!

I am getting married!
To a great guy!
At a beautiful place!
With amazing food!
and thus far two beautiful bridesmaids!

I have wonderful friends!
Who not me hilarious/wonderful gifts!
And keep me from ever being bored!

I've learned a lot this year too...I've learned how to knit simply, and intend on learning more. I've read a lot, including several readers advisory guides so that I am broadening my horizons and can  recommend more different types and sorts of books. I've learned a completely new job with  those skill sets, and gotten used to office life.

I think I'm doing pretty well, and I'm happy.

I DON'T READ ENOUGH

I hate the 'between books' awkward lull period. A closed book is scary. I want to KNOW if it''s good or not.
In wedding news, looks like we  will definitely be having the ceremony in the garden instead of the church, thanks to the catholic church in general alienating my family and being jerkstores. Oh well!  The garden is beautiful, I adore the fence and gazebo (eff you gazebo, I'm not facing you alone, Tim'll be there) and I can have non-religious music. I also like what they have set up  for bride and groom getting ready, and the ease of picture taking. I don't particularly like the indoors option, it's awkward and in this odd foyer where cocktail hour is. I think a 1  pm ceremony would be finished before a likely late-July summer  shower,  but even if it wasn't I would so rather us all have umbrellas and just play in the rain.

I love rain.

Waking up at 6 am everyday is totally not working out for me. At work, tea is free but coffee costs a quarter. No idea why. I was horrified a few mornings ago to get an email from the vice chancellor discussing how my department is going to be moving in July, making me upset since I partially chose this job for the awesome commute, until I googlemapp'd the new location and it is a half a block up on the same street, marginally more  convenient for me, and closer to the pizza place I sometimes like to lunch at.

Today I think I will brave the rain  and mess to go to the library during lunch. I need to stop getting week DVDs from the library, as I never watch them. I need three weeks, y'all! They just end up on  my Netflix list,  no matter  how much I  say I don't want to waste a Netflix on 'Made of Honor".
I tend to read at lunch because by the  time I get home at night, I just want to watch TV and knit and play computer games, not read. The final Book of Ember was good.

I don't know yet if I like my job.

First real day of new job today.
I enjoy stalking people on the internet,  so this should work out okay.

Kennywood Frite Nite was kind of awesome. Roller Coasters at 1 am = coolness. Dude who banged a trash can behind people to scare them = coolness. Roller coasters in  the dark  are fun because you literally can't see two feet ahead of yourself and therefore have no idea when the ride will actually drop. You can't prepare.

Work is odd right now because a movie is being filmed in our boiler room. No, I don't know why they wanted to spend two weeks in a library boiler room rather than build a set. I DO know that an old lady cursed me out on  the phone because she couldn't find parking. Carrie Fisher is in  the movie, and I want to meet her desperately. Not so much Rumer Willis or Audrina Partridge. The one good thing is that work is kind of slow because no one can park and I need to break.

I'm  sure I could read at a better pace if I actually focused on it.

My last day of clerkwork is October 10th, my first day of newwork is November 3. I need to take advantage of and enjoy my vacation. What shall I  do? I will spend some time in NYC with Louie and wandering by myself, some time in Philly with my parents and wandering by myself, some time shopping for newwork clothes. What else shall I do, when no one I know will be able to take off work  in order to have fun  with me? I need to plan (so exciting)

It seems as though when I don't feel I have outside forces changing and improving me, I need to do it myself. I'm on a crash course of reading constantly, different things, trying to improve my "education" (hey, as a librarian, reading a lot of fiction is still education), studying to get my learners permit, I'm going to learn how to knit.
(I want to start knitting a scarf and just not stop for a few months, see how long I can make it, even longer than the purple and blue one my mom made for me, either all red or various like  a fourth doctor scarf and maybe if I enjoy it I will continue to make fourth doctor scarves, they sell on etsy for 100 dollars because fangirls spend money on this kind of thing)

I enjoy a day off from work, but honestly I am not motivated to do ANYTHING except read (I am between  books right now, how depessing), play Wii (I need to unlock Daisy in MarioKart), write this (and my  book blog), and update my DVR series recordings (thus far 'Doctor Who', 'Top Gear', 'Ugly Betty', 'The Office', '30 Rock', 'Pushing Daisies', and 'Iron Chef America'). Going to the grocery store, cleaning my apartment,  doing extensive job hunts are all so beyond my capacity  right now.

It's always so odd to go out to like, a bar somewhere, and overhear someone say "totes" instead of "totally", WTF did I get you too? Will you start  screeching, or saying "crazycakes"?

Also, this is a reminder for posterity so I can cash it out it later, Maddie said I  could be Maid of Honor when she gets married. And I get to wear a hat.

If you are at the library, and notice your librarian (even one you're usually cool with) has a giant scar, the appropriate response is NOT to poke it and say "you got hurt, huh?"

If she laughs it off and says "yes, when I was young", the appropriate response is NOT to ask for details.

When she grudgingly gives you the details, the appropriate response is NOT to say "in Cape May, huh? That's a beautiful area, I need to get down there more often."

Thanks, dude.

I don't think I ever posted this. My award for favorite book title in the library goes to:

I'd Really Like to Eat a Child

One thing about having a job is that I can't just do whatever I want all the time. I am still hoping for a fall New York trip, visiting Louie and shopping and walking around. I'm not earning enough to gain back some freedom to make up for the lost freedom, I want to travel and I can't take the time off nor am I earning what I need to save up for it.

I still hope Tim will do a fellowship in England so we could live there for six months or so. I don't know what I would do. England needs doctors, but not librarians, I don't think. I'd find something. Volunteer work, maybe.

Why doesn't the perfect full time job just choose me out of a crowd, with a little point?

People tell me stories. I've always had a look about me that got people to talk to me on the street, I guess I seem approachable, I'm always getting stopped to say that they like my bag or my coat, that it's a nice day out, or that the grocery store is busy today. Whatever. But, as a librarian, I get it even MORE. People are talky, I think some are lonely and go to the library every day just to get out of the house, they need some human interaction. But there are others who just talk. I think they suspect the librarian of judging them, so they explain backstories...I need the computer so I can look for jobs, or I rented this movie because I'm writing a paper. Honestly, I don't mind. As long as you're within the allowed time, I don't care what you do on the computer. I'm in the camp that thinks there should be a designated porn computer so that if you have the balls to go behind the curtain, you deserve porn. I don't care if you take out the dirtiest romance novel or the driest textbook, five DVDs or none. I don't judge you. What you see in my eyes, is curiousity. I have seen this on my fellow clerks as well. We are sneakily glancing at the back of your book, filing away the title in our brains for later NOT because we're judging you, but because it is being added to our mental "what to read" lists. We're jealous you got there first. We don't understand how we never heard of it before now. You've WON.

I'm applying for some full time jobs because I need the money for the wedding, and I really need to benefits. But I LOVE working in the public library. Working in the LIS offices or as a researcher won't be the same, but I'll have to try.

Someday, hopefully someday soon, I will either fix or replace my computer. And I will buy a car and be able to afford insurance. Then, I will ignore bad commutes and apply for perfect teen librarian jobs that come up. I think this part time job is good for me right now, because becoming an actual librarian who is head of the department right away terrifies me, I think this is a better learning experience. I wouldn't mind having more money, though.

If I could afford/fit into a Betsey Johnson dress, they would be perfect for the engagement photos.
Our -1st Anniversary trip to Kennywood is this Saturday, will be fun. I PROMISE.

I am really looking forward to two weeks from now, graduating, and also being finished with my internship,not that I have to do much work for either, but it will be stress off my shoulders (I am telling my final story in storytelling this Wed., then I have to type out projects for that class and do a little project for Older Adults, then I'm done). I really like that since I don't do programming, I have a job that I leave at work and don't have to worry about until I'm at work again. I always wanted a job like that. Sort of the opposite of my internship, which is so unlike something I would actually want to do that it's surprising I took the job in the first place other than I was desperate for a little money and a new recommendation.

I think I'm sadto be growing up, I'm feeling a loss of freedom that comes from having a job (the commute makes this part time job feel like a full time one) but I'm not earning enough to stop worrying about money. At least I am enjoying planning the wedding (if worrying about finding a perfect dress).

Dear Children:
Riding bikes in the library? No thanks.
Love, the librarian who goggled at you disbelievingly.